a person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person

title is taken from "things that it took me 50 years to learn" by dave barry.

some people choose to be abrasive and crude to get the attention of others. well i'm not gonna fucking do that.

well, okay. i can be crude. on occasion i have been accused of "swearing like a sailor," and asked if i "kissed my mother with that mouth." but swearing is so expressive! i love the word "fuck." fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck! isn't it wonderful! in fact, a very scientific study has proven that swearing actually relieves physical pain.

today, we discuss the difference between crude and cruel.

i will not say "fuck you." unless, of course, i'm jamming along to cee-lo or calling out an early hour. to be abrasive and crude, to be cruel, is not on my hard drive. file not fucking found. some think this is odd. those who know me well, and know of my upbringing and environment from ages 0-18 are kind of shocked. having lived in a world full of cruel hateful people, and not being one of them, they hated me as well. teased for objecting to the "n" word, taunted for not fighting back, tortured for biting my tongue. something in me has never been able to be mean. that same something brings home run-over bunnies that are still alive so i can help them. i don't know how, or why i am like this. i do know, however, that it's hard.

mean people suck. ha! remember the nineties? it's still a very true phrase. people who choose to be unkind are choosing the easy path. they are lazy. to swallow your pride and shut the fuck up is the hard way to live. sadly, to be kind, truly, is seen as weak. once a former boss told me apologizing makes me look weak. he also criticized me for being "too nice." TOO NICE!!! was i supposed to take that as an insult?! hell no. it's on my fucking resume. other things i've been called out for on the job: laughing too much, seeming "fake," and last but not least, sounding too cheerful. what. the. fuck.

it's not my choice to be a nice person. in fact, often i've lamented about my lack of balls, my inability to hurt others as they have hurt me. being so repressed causes random explosions upon rude people. i feel bad afterword, that i have called out said rude person, usually in public, and undeniably quite rudely myself. but when it happens, the demon rising, there is no stopping it. it says "what have i ever done to YOU?!" and it freaks out. it is essentially the only thing in my me that has the ability to be mean now.

perhaps i'll apply for pope. or jesus!